Madly jealous

I feel that I can break myself, tear apart my mind thinking about all the things you'd never do to me.

Hurting, remembering, regreting... My heart aches, my dried throat doesn't let me breath any more or scream out your name, my pain.

I want to stop this jealousy turning me crazy, to be composed, keep in calm and be a perfect lady.

Seriously, I have never been a lady. 
May I learn how to deal with these feelings? May I be polite and just be confident? Not about you but about myself.

Sometimes, when I see you talking to another woman, even if she's a friend of mine, I feel so nervous and anxious, happy because you are having a good time with my friends and everybody talks about you like if have to be proud or I didn't know who am I dating, they are praising you and when that happens, if it's repetitive I think " Maybe she likes him... Can it be? He is so warm and sweet... He is shy, very shy! But that's adorable in it's way"

Then "I'm lucky"

I look at you thinking about those words, your acts, your ways and you seem so cool to me.

But this time I can't get rid of the frustration, feel down and I miss you because you talk to her in a public place like you talk to me, even more expressive than with me, like if you were in a close relationship, in contact or she was someone you really admire or like.
Do you need to be on the right side of her or prolonge the conversation you two are having?
You know that hurts me and you just talk more and more friendly her even you say she's not.
Ha!

You never talk to others like that and it is scary.

Maybe I'm over thinking it, it was that way, you liked her and in your eyes she looks perfect and nothing, anything you tell me, can change that feeling. Anything.
A beautiful, smart, polite and grown woman, a lady.

You chose me, you're with me but you don't look at me anymore with naive tenderness.

It must be tiring to be with me. A continuous fight. The war in the love. Sometimes love can kill and I feel that I'm killing you, your beautiful you, dragging you into my hell.
You were the perfect boy, I turn you into a torn apart man.
But in those few lines you seem different, like excited.

You are not the same too, you hurt me too but you never betrayed me, so I must only be waiting for it, since the begining.